Journal #10 – 4/8/2024

Hello world, I took few video shots today walking back home from work, showering/cleaning, and after I took out the trash. Those videos talk about my feelings and thoughts I had during work, so I’ll skip that part out from today’s journal.

It’s 8:03 am right now as I made this journal file. Currently watching Ed Mylett: Set Yourself Up For Success With These DAILY ROUTINES! By Jay Shetty Podcast. Emotion rewiring is something I am going to try so I don’t home into the native feeling such as anger and fear.

Now after hearing these emotion anchoring, I think that’s what has been happening to my cigarette smoking habit. Until now, I wondered why I was wired to smoke for every kind of incidents that happen in my days. I’d smoke when I am happy, when I am sad, when I am anxious, when I am elated… etc. Smoking has been embedded into pretty much every emotion that I feel…. Over 21 years…. No wonder it’s so hard to stop.

I need to reanchor my emotions to something else. Maybe this is all that it takes. Holy. SHIT.

Just two things. One. I gave the man who cleans the smoking balcony a bottle of the orange juice I bought yesterday. He was saying sorry (like in a polite manner), and I told him that I should be the one who’s sorry because I am contributing to the mess that he needs to clean up everyday.

Two. I am going to write her a second letter. Just polite, fun message I think.

Oh and I sent the kimbap girl 6,000 that I owe her because transfer somehow didn’t work yesterday. I hope she sees it and if not I’ll let her know I sent.

Just took a short nap; and I find it a little hard to get to work. So I’m going to go outside to the coffee shop that I haven’t been to in a while and get the draft for the letter done and start on the grand plan.

I assume I will be back before 11:30, which should allow me enough time to get some sleep.

So it took a lot longer than I expected. I got back to my flat and it’s 11:40 right now. Drank two cups of coffee (cappuccino and americano) and only managed to write the draft to that letter. I’m now going to write the letter out in a document file; then get it printed and enveloped. Focus time! Need to get this done quickly so I get my precious sleep (have only napped so far!).

12:34pm, the letter is finished; now to go print it and envelope it!

Wait… not done yet; forgot to add p.s.

Done! Now I’m going! Taking out some folded up pizza boxes to throw away while I am at it.

I am back. It’s 1:10 pm right now. Good time to order some food; munch munch and sleep? I think so too! Ordered two servings of katsudon. Fairly close enough that I can walk & pickup but I need to conserve energy.

I think I will make 2 more bank accounts to manage my savings (10%), spendable (70%) and donation fund (10%); and I have the trading account for investments (10%)

Just ate one of the katsudon; put the other one in the fridge so I can eat it once I get back home from work. Cleaned my teeth /w water pick (water pick is so amazing and I haven’t used it for such a long time until yesterday), and now I am biting on the teeth whitening tool. I have to do this for 30 minutes so I will probably get to sleep at around 2:40. Better set up the sleep helper.

My mom and dad have both mentioned that I should retake toeic. So I’ll look into it. In April, the test days available are 4/14, 4/27. In May, 5/12, 5/26. In June, 6/16, 6/30.

Shit. I think I drank way too much caffeine… I think I will try to get rest with yoga nidra when I am on the shuttle bus to work.

Council of quitting smoking. We have zoom meetings, we look at data, we analyze and plan. Treat it like a business.

When I meet my niece, and when the time comes, I want to not be the uncle who says “if you don’t study you become like me” but instead I want to be the uncle who says “even at where I was, I was able to stand up and become a person true to his soul. You too, for you have such a beautiful soul, can become that someone who befits it.”

Time to update my sankalpa: from “May I change myself; thus the world, the way it was meant to be” to “May I grow myself, so I may change the world, to the better place for Jin.”

I just went out for a cigarette after a shower; but it was a bit different this time. There was a woman smoking near the door, so I opened and closed the door to the balcony very quietly (something I’m practicing to do more these days). I sat on the chair but I had this feeling inside of me that I shouldn’t smoke. Maybe it has to do with this dull pain on my right kidney. But it was more than just that. I hesitated to light the cigarette, and so I asked my body, “come on, come up with a reason to smoke” and there was silence. “Come on, anything; if you come up with anything, we will smoke this cigarette.” But there was absolutely no answer. The cigarette was the last cigarette of the pack (though, I bought another pack today, so technically not the last), and I just threw the cigarette into the wet ashtray and walked to the door. I closed the balcony door behind me quietly, and now I am here, writing.

I think by the time I go to work, I will find a reason to smoke, but this moment… something like this… just has never ever, ever happened to me…

It’s already 3:42pm… Okay. I am off to work! See you everyone! Wish me good health!

To Jin: Have confidence not on your skills but have confidence in your intent. You have a beautiful intent.