Journal #6 – 4/4/2024

Today, I had to face a lot of embarrassments. Like, a fuck ton. Even just now I had to face one of my biggest fear I have imagined while throwing out my trash. Anyway, I’ll get back to it later. I feel like I went through so much of my mind while I was talking to myself in the mirror while I was cleaning out the trash. I think I should find a system to record it. Even though the consistent sound of running water and occasional flushing sound may… ummm… you know… get in the way of the messages. I also really don’t want to show the graphic side of the cleaning because it’s fuuuucking disgusting. But I think I should do it. I want to keep this progress tracking real.

Okay it’s 9:10 am right now; and a lot has happened. I have 50 minutes to do a lot of things so I’ll get back to writing the journal in that time (when everything is resolved. Damn, I am definitely not getting enough sleep tonight lol)

I handled the amazon issue (I’ll explain later), now I’m going to write the letter.

Okay, It’s 10:52 am and I am done writing the letter. I tried to remove my ego as much as I possibly can (for my great ideas are greater if I remove myself from it, right?)

11:38 am. I am back at my flat. So I went to the unmanned printing stall to print out the letter (one day I will write beautifully hand-written letters). I also bought an envelope to put the letter in. It’s not as pretty as I thought it to be, but I’ve done the best I can do that my current clumsy self can do.

Just ordered a new phone. Be careful for what you wish for. Just on my way back home I was filming myself outside at the smoking balcony. I said; this phone is incapable of switching between front and back camera while shooting. Now suddenly, my phone dies on me so I had to buy a new one.

So what had transpired is: I cleaned my trash and threw it out. It took about an hour, so 30 minute more than what I usually do. While I was taking it out, because the bag that held the containers in was so huge, I feared that I might run into someone in the elevator. My biggest fear was the embarrassment I will get when people see this grown up man throwing away such a huge pile of trash. The elevator passed 13 (my floor) and went to 17^th floor. So I was in the panic; for someone definitely is going to be on it. I didn’t want to run away, because I personally hate it when elevator opens and when there’s no one there.

The person there was someone I never expected. A White girl. In Korea. In Sanbon. As I got on, due to the embarrassment, I muttered I’m sorry. Along with stupid things ever muttered by a human being. I asked her “Are you a mute?” I mean she just said mhmm and didn’t say a word so I felt so embarrassed I began saying anything out of my mind unfiltered.

I am so clumsy. That’s the lesson of today. I learned, and I felt how clumsy I am.

Anyway, I got home. I turned my laptop on to write the journal. That’s when I checked the email to find an e-mail from amazon saying “payment declined”. For the book I bought for my friend! I immediately turned my phone on and opened the bank app just to see if I there was any transaction history. But when I did that, my phone just froze, and died.

I woke up from the slumber just now and it’s 12:32 pm. Im so tired I’m just going to write down one line pointers

1. The Customer Service chat was, now that I think, was an AI
2. I purchased YT Premium in order to be in alignment with what I said to my best friend
3. I did that give away buy one get one free routine to another convenience store employee. Well, I’ve went to that store before, but this was at night time with a different guy. Another grumpy old man. He goes to church I think before he has church radio on all the time.
4. Evan charmichael had made a worksheet specifically designed for the Joe Dispenza video. I downloaded it, and I plan on doing it within next 24 hours.
5. I think I might need to take a day off tomorrow. I need sleep. I will have no more remaining days of days off until the 16^th
6. I had the surge of realization that my Sankalpa, may I change myself, thus the world, the way it was meant to be, was coming to realization. I have changed; now I can change the world.
7. I wrote the first lines to the letter I want to send to Roert Greene
8. I fed the stray cat at work!
9. One of the managers at work, who I thought had a beef against me, said “고생하셧습니다’ to me today.
10. I think I need to get a 정밀검진. I think my body is sending me signals to get better.
11. I felt uneasy when my phone died. I had no internet and I felt anxious. But I took that time to do a bit of self reflection. Even when I have internet, my creative work that I do doesn’t always need internet. All I am lacking is the YT videos I get to play on the background or search for information on the web.
12. I’ve gave it a test run with wethm. I find potential in it. I almost slept except I received text message from coupang saying they’ll keep the first gate closed. Because of that message, though, I could read the message they sent earlier that I read (but ignored) about the deadline to submit for a break on the 10^th of April (election day for congress).
13. I think another lesson I had today was on perseverance. I thought of giving up on talking to her, feeling oversensitive that people were talking about me behind my back. I was very self conscious. I felt upset.
14. I really want to finish the letters I am writing to Vinh.
15. I have this dream of a vision wall. Everything good that aligns with me will be on it.
16. I meant to say this but it went underby a little unsaid. I saw myself in the video on my way back from work and I thought to myself that my current condition is so much blessed and well off compared to the 고시원 days.
17. I am going to buy different cat food today.
18. I am going to ask these influencers these questions. I am going to tell them about my experience right now; which I am sure these people also went through to get to where they are now. What is the biggest warning they can give me in preparation for the journey to come?
19. Take it easy Robert. To me, looking at you on YouTube gives me this feeling of sublime.
20. 3 p’s to eliminate: no problem is Permanent. Second is Pervasive. Lastly, don’t think the problems are personal. Because if you do, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
21. The heaviest things in life aren’t iron and gold but unmade decisions. The reason you are stressed is because you have decisions to make and you are not making them.
22. Instead of this “audit” I want to write to my best friend my personal review of the product. Like the blue light vs green light thing at initiation phase, like how I love the slowing down of the vibration. What I want to get out of using this device. Like my person need, such as 가위눌림 해소.
23. I noticed that I have been very consistent with the usage of 오늘부터’s 아르기닌. I think 오늘부터 is such a genius brand name.
24.